I wish i could have a time machine!

Accepting the past is the problem in getting to the future! Nothing changes in History, so leave it
there! You only repeat it when you bring it in; trying to undo today what has long gone. Even if certain things appear to be the same the people or circumstances you will be dealing with are different. Every body is unique and with them come new things. Project on them your fears and you will have same results that happened in the past, but for the other, their future will be their future because they haven't been there before, while you repeated your past because you projected it again repeatedly.


About a week ago i met a chap, he is mixed like i am, he is 25 years of age. I saw my past in him, and he saw himself in my feature. He told me about his life and i told him about mine. He told me about his feature aspirations and i told him what i did to get there. He left happy and in faith because he saw that i was strong and successful. Meeting him made me come at peace with my youthful hic-cups and him meeting me cleared his doubts about his feature. Although i am a gal and he a boy, we took the same leap of faith, only i did it earlier and he could see the facts of my life that gave him the reassurance that it would be ok. This is the reason i tell my story to the young and old so that they can let go of the doubts they have of themselves and their future. Some get threatened by it and some get happy, its the heart that matters. If you are doubtful of yourself, you will take good news as a thorn. If you are self assured it will give you a boost. Sail on my dear friend you will be ok, just as i am! Should my Ega admit, he saved me more than i probably did him. He was strong and bold and that reminded me of how i was.

Its very easy to say "i wish i could have a time machine and change an aspect of my life because of today's events." I tell you this, as much as you may feel that you "coulda, shoulda, woulda" you will still be in a state of wonda! Pain isn't an indicator of a mistake. It is an indicator that you were proactive at some point. Nothing happens for nothing and no one is static, its either you are pushed or you push. Passive or reactive is a motion. If you push the reward is yours, you can claim every dime of it. If you don't then that's where the self blame game starts.

Decision and Indecision is an action. I see that the takes that i made brought me to where i am and if where i am is a good place, regardless of the pain, it is still good. My pain is as a result that i cant share the joy with those that i lost along the way because a thought clicks, "are those who i lost in a happy place themselves, after i left them?" I felt guilt that i had to push for my own happiness! I got stuck in worrying for others and if they were angry that i took a piece for my self finally but then one day i asked myself "arnt they adults just like me to sort out their issues of happiness?" I realised it was distracting me from handling the NOW and giving myself more pain! Only life can tell on the long run if coulda, woulda, shoulda turned into "Yes it worked because I did, keep doing and Will continue to go in the same path as before because it worked regardless of the perceived collateral damage.

We like to judge our decisions prematurely, trying to foretell hoping that maybe today we can undo certain things. Touching what has been done can actually turn things worse. If that time machine could take you to the future you would actually see that the choice you made was actually perfect. You just need to calm down and let it go so it can complete its mission. Your clean mind tells you, you did your best and leave the rest to him who knows better than you. We tend to blame ourselves for the emotional decisions, well if you were meant to be rational at the time you would have. Trust me we are not at all in control of our lives, we didn't create ourselves we procreated.

Being in the prison of doubt, puts others in the same shoe. Doubt separates best friends, everyone wants to be sure you know so they are not mislead or best you are not misleading yourself by holding on to the past and trying to search for a hope to a future you are not prepared for. "What if" is a bad place to be when actions have already been taken. Do a "what if" before you set your foot not after.