Having kids young or old ain't a bad thing, but it doesn't guarantee success in the marriage. Have a read from this link on Having kids close in Age.Unfortunately many African women think that's all there is to be and our African men do a lot to keep it that way because it favours them to keep a woman subservient. Sooner they find out otherwise and the marriage breaks.
To the men i say, when your wife is a maid your children will never rise from the ranks of servants. Have our African women ever wondered why the old is exchanged for the new? As man evolves so he expects his woman to do so automatically. They will never tell you but in bringing up kids we are often kept in stagnant mindsets; where self development is replaced by development of the kids and wiping the floors. I have come across to many a woman who even having the biggest houses or cars are genuinely lost and self loathing; its what one calls the "desperate house wives syndrome".
How many men in Africa are employed to looking after the kids? Very very very few. Looking around we have more married single mothers. Whats the difference between being divorced and rearing the kids alone and married but still rearing the kids alone? To me nothing. What is it that we women or society as in whole are kidding ourselves about? No divorce but an empty second half of the bed just to keep the society less threatened about your status?
It scares me to see that there are mothers of boys in Africa who would make their boys settle down for one major thing, so that they will have a gal answer to her what happens to her child, because she doesn't know how to explain to her boy how to respect life. He is probably drinking a lot, roaming with the wrong set of crowd and in her mind rather than quarrel with him fearing that he might run away, she says "let that gal take the heat", while she will pretend to be the good cop, by that has made the wife his mother. She totally doesn't care who the son is marrying and then we all know the stories. He often comes to his mother with words "its my wife that mislead me" and the mother says "don't mind her, you know mummy loves you" then she the wife becomes the teabag dunked by all. If the girl is independent she will tell them to fly a kite. Very often it is the girl who comes from a humble and honest home that becomes the dartboard. To those parents who bring up an obedient daughter; you have bread a mop for other families. Lets hope the fruit of your labour wouldn't be wasted. God help her if she has some inner strength to rise and surprise even herself to self reliance. To such women i say, it is possible but be strong inside first.
Many girls weren't told by their dads and mums (local mentality orientation) that there is a world out there and self reliance needs to be built first, followed by a continuous self development plan. If you must have kids have them with the mindset that you had them for yourself because kids don't really bind a couple, they are just a by product. If there is no relationship with him and self outside of kids, you will always feel alone and will be alone because the man most times isn't there because he is hopefully busy trying to provide.
If you have no self development and growth plan then whats there to say about ones life? "i had kids?" is that all you will tell God in your dark moments to find justification for your life's purpose? You are just a baby producing machine. If for a woman the only dream she has in life is to marry and have kids then to me that's primitive thinking because when they leave you, you will realise you had created nothing but an illusion. Often such mothers suffocate their kids lives because they cant let go for fear to find out they have nothing else to live for. I realised this when i was 22, when i had my first child and in his first 2 weeks of life when he was under the threat of not making it through. I asked myself, if i can feel this tied to a baby that hasn't even said hello, what would there be to say about me later. Die if he dies? I said to myself HELL NO.
And just a little shocker for women who still think they can retain men with kids. Men are explorers, hence they seek what is new and what they can aspire to. If it ain't you, it would either be his fav gadget or another woman. Life for man isn't about WOMAN, why has your life become about MAN? I hope you aren't the one who has imprisoned yourself and doing that to others. Why then hold women down? Well for one he will have no permanent place to have a punching bag for his insecurities. I never thought that man was everything, unfortunately i live in a continent that believes it is all about him, is it today that one should be convincing women that men are self absorbed until shit hits the fan? But before that happens you may be 50 or 60 or one leg in the grave and nothing to show but pictures of your long gone kids.
I wish men knew the heartbreaks of their wives when it is time to let go of the life you had subjected them to. I met men who say who stopped her? I ask, remember when you told her to stop school, and that you will take care of her needs? You didn't know that she has a brain too, and not just boobs and a womb? The woman you have by your side is the woman you have created, if she fought you so she can grow and you let her go and couldn't change at least one bit, that's because you were self absorbed and thinking as a bachelor.
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