Why do people complain?!

My question is how can "i, you, me, we, they" those who live in the same neighbourhood think they as an individual are going through things alone. If he gets his head out of the sand he will see that the neighbour has same issues but maybe solving it in his own way.

We complain alot about how this and that, Why do many people like to complain for the sake of complaining, insteading of saving complaints for when there's really something to complain about? Yeah, it's hot outside. We all know. Shut-up. You know, that kind of complaining. My witty friend Amanda said.

Complaints are also a method of distraction as much as it is a release of tension, but then who is it beneficial to? I think it creates more hell than therapy. You know how they say out of the abundance of the heart the mind speaketh? Your complaints say who you are. Haven't you ever wondered why people run towards those who speak of opportunities or draw to those who find solutions? Well its called positive energy. no one is saying you should swallow your pain but dont make it another headache. Are you seeking attention? Hug a teddy thats pretty much whats on ones mind when they hear a cry baby. You can only feel sorry so much for an adult except there is major injury or catastrophe but then the person wouldnt be talking, he will be stating facts and with a disposition to looking for solutions.

I would ask "why do people complain about what they themselves have caused"?
Havnt you noticed that you start getting more complainy when you are around people who are complainy? And if you start paying close attention, we complain A LOT and do nothing! Do we create our own stress, by complaining too much?

"This toilet seat is always up. These boys never put it down."

Then guess what, you're bound to be pissed/stressed every time before you even you walk into the bathroom to take something as simple as a pee.
But you could just walk in, not think about, put it down or wipe it with a tissue, sit down and then pee. Go out more happy and relieved than when you went in. Women sometimes, we are really jobless or hey guys why not reengineer the bathroom, put a facility that will prevent you from spraying the toilette, but no it is fun to give a woman a headache, how about we live the toilet as you left it. I am sure you would love your home to stink like the public utilities or would you like it if there was a sticker that clearly undermines your intelligence?

CNN voicing events in the world has made us all fearful and doubtful etc, we are all looking for where to hide, its what i call noise pollution. Imagine one thousand generators humming in one area for the duration of one year none stop. People crack under stress and words do create pressure.

Another "why" friend Cara said, she just like i actually made a point lately to not watch TV, especially the news and have been paying less attention to politics. She even stopped listening to NPR! "I just can't take it right now. I need to focus on the good things in my life and accomplishing my own personal goals. I want to make a positive impact in the world, but I can't do that when I feel like I hate everyone and everyone hates me! News organizations have been/ are fear-mongers, and the masses seem to crave negativity. There is, however, a difference between complaining and being afraid. Fox "News" doesn't just complain about Obama; they make things up in order to scare people and make them think he's the next Hitler (which is laughable).

Personally i 15years ago threw away my television and watch cartoons with my kids. I dont even come from a generation that was stuck like glue to tv, parents used to drive us outside to play but then maybe thats just me and the family i grew up in. I used to have a boyfriend who would wake up with sky news and sleep off with it next to me. He didnt even know why he would be depressed, in my bid to try and remove it from the bedroom, he put up a big fight. I left the bedroom for him and started sleeping in my own space. In the morning i would wake up bright and sunny while he grumpy, depressed, not looking forward to the day at the office and whats worse he has a tv there that was on CNN also. Eventually we ended the relationship. I cant understand why the complaints of the world should affect me or sleep in my bed. If you want peace you will seek it. Its almost like without CNN or the Newspapers man feels he has no action in his life and then you wonder why your libido is low? BLOODY STRESS of other nations and people is killing you and then you blame it on your GF who is 37 because she dont look like that 17yearold skeleton on the FasionMagasine.

Women in general have daily hassles, i am sure 90% of women dont know what it is to sit in front of the tv for even 20 minutes in peace, even if we wanted to we can't, its either time to do home work or make dinner; example, my 3 year old invents something to mess the house with and there it goes my peaceful time, i have another job either to scream or go tidy up.

Another "WHY" friend Aryck said "In the midst of one of those goofy Ohio blizzards and all of the complainy FB posts that went along with it, a friend of mine posted "The weather outside is weather' That pretty much sums it up. You can stress about it all you want, but it's not changing. Worry about the stuff you can change." I gotta say, it seems folks spend a lot of time finding problems, but not a lot of time proposing solutions. Maybe things wouldn't seem as bad if we didn't focus on what is wrong all the time, and focused on what is right, and maybe on how to make more things right. Maybe..

Yes we do create our own stress and the effect of complaining is that it becomes a habit that eventually distracts from the real /or bigger issues that need attention. We burry ourselves in these global wars and issues that are not even happening in our nebour-hoods but forced to affect us by our government and then we go to pay someone for therapy. Imagine the transfer of stress is a way to create more jobs for the therapeutic industry? Half the time people dont hear you when you complain, most get really irritated by it because what runs in their mind is "What are you going to do about it?" or "do you think i should be sorting out your issues?" especially if they know you are the cause of it. In other circumstances if it is hot for you it is hot for everyone. Everyone within a given area suffers same pressures but everyone deals with it in their own way. If one is seeking for a solution or to drive a positive communication all one needs to do is ask :"why is it so hot today?" in a sunny disposition and you wouldnt believe how many will connect to same experience rather than make them feel like they should give you a solution to an impossible problem.

My Amanda added: If you're saying it for a reason, you could say, my head hurts, so I hope you don't mind if I lie down for a bit. That's not a complaint. Or, "you never talk to me anymore." You could say, hey I'd love to have a conversation with you. And yes, sometimes we just want to be pitied for some reason...it's true.

"Why do they make these toys so hard to get out of the packages." I sometimes try to make my complaints sound like jokes. So that I can complain but the frustration doesn't come with it. "This is wrapped like a glass dick." (in that case, you wouldn't be able to say it in front of kids :)) who cares you might as well say it and all have a laugh.

Today i said the word Shit not realising i had a frustration with my girl going at something dangerous, as always flying of the chair thinking she is CAT WOMAN and then she turns around and repeats it, my son said to her "dont say that" it pleased me to know that my son is waking up to the world, he now knows what profanity is and it made a mum happy that her son is getting there. Sometimes all these rules that we cage each other with; dont do this and dont do that is what has created a world where we almost seem like we hate each other. Say it if you must but bring it to a solution and leave with a free heart that you had a conversation and retained a friend and not a crying shoulder.

Basically, there are two types of complainers: those who complain for the sake of complaining, and those who complain, but then you could also take the necessary action to change whatever it is that they are complaining about if possible.

thanks Amanda, Cara for the engaging convo about complaining about the complainers lol

A step out of a hole!

The solution to the economic crisis is simple and at the same time complicated.

Simple cos the examples of how economies have risen are there and complicated because of one major component called people and their motivational factors.

In technicality the simplicity lies in this "if you need jobs you need to create competition. Economies were founded on strategic skills not just things that are needed for export or import. Remember salve trade? it still exists only people aren't in visible chains. The complicated situation is that people don't want to do anything (most of the time its the natives of a given country) need a motivation, sorry sometimes to say a kick in the butt. How about the kick in the gut we are now experiencing?

We have grown into the habit of criticising the governments and systems and begging at the same time from the same governments and systems meanwhile we have abandoned developing strategic skills individually and connecting socially that transform dormant situations into dynamic opportunities. If there is no dynamics it means one needs to shake it up. Invite the foreigners so the natives smell some pain.

The level of interest has been dampened because we have lost trust and hence we don't seek alternatives which gives birth to innovation. We have turned into control freaks and not response teams. Old rules need to be dismantled and a new fuse injected to bring about transformation.­ Every old house can be made new, and needs to be made new ie reinforcing the foundations that can hold new heights.

Lets imagine Nigeria be shut down deliberately from the world, what would we need to tackle first? Looking at the structure given from the hierarchy of needs physiologically­ we need to develop Farming, Real estate, Clothing, Education industry areas

Step 2 followed by transportation,­ security and health and energy industries
I do realise that the energy sector would defend the position that we need energy first but to me the energy sector now as it is is struggling to sustain sales as there is very few areas that require its produce .

We have next to no industries, we don't even have quality specialists to work in those industries. Universities are detached from the business world, hence what ever they study there is irrelevant to the job market, except for the fact that if they at least know how to read and write that is a plus but what's bad is that they can't even communicate this days. I ask myself what in the first place would they be able to communicate through to a potential employer? Given the fact that what they are studying has no relevance to the commercial world.?

A student who aspires to work in the oil and gas yet goes to study agriculture "art of cultivation", what percentage of chance has he got? Maybe in some companies they are exploring something in the area of biology, then there is some luck for the lass but after if the project is over what next? If employers and teachers understood the transferable skills that come with studying agriculture not just from the scientific practice they would see that managerial skills develop in practising farming.
Hence the unemployment rates meaning no strategic skill-set and platforms.

Farming. Of what benefit is it to the economy apart from putting food on the table. This promotes creation of tools that help the farmers sow, maintain, harvest and store the produce and indirectly creates sales opportunities for the oil and gas a swell as other service areas such as the events and entertainment industries because these are channels for promoting the harvest and creates avenues for restaurants to exist.

If our Farmers don't diversify the distribution of their produce by inventing ways of consumption ie should yam be only consumed as pounded yam? or boiled or fried? How about for export it be packaged as chips? We all love yam chips, if the Japanese have made black man eat raw fish with plain white rice, what's there in giving the world an alternative to potatoes? Add to it plantain and there you have it "Iyinbo go chop fried banana". It's the easiest and less wasteful product we have simply because of its size and shape, machinery has already been made for that of potatoes, what's there to create one for yam? These are the type of research projects that the educational institutions should be handling in the engineering departments.

The clothing industry should be gathering the products that have been made by our guys in aba and finishing them to quality standards by sending projects to the students in the fashion departments and that is a direct sales platform; creating fashion week by the events, media and entertainment students.

In these few examples wouldn't it create the drive for the students to have experiential learning much needed when they leave the institutions? They will be able to communicate the vision for what next to do to the employer and command good pay.

Companies can now setup competitions in secondary schools for best academics and vocational projects and sponsoring the best students and each wearing the logos of the companies they represent in the higher institution and this should make them not to let them down not to talk of handling indirectly the safety of the students from our horny lecturers and sugar daddies.

My africa there are opportunities when one is willing and seeking.

Having kids young or old aint a bad thing!

Having kids young or old ain't a bad thing, but it doesn't guarantee success in the marriage. Have a read from this link on Having kids close in Age.

Unfortunately many African women think that's all there is to be and our African men do a lot to keep it that way because it favours them to keep a woman subservient. Sooner they find out otherwise and the marriage breaks.

To the men i say, when your wife is a maid your children will never rise from the ranks of servants. Have our African women ever wondered why the old is exchanged for the new? As man evolves so he expects his woman to do so automatically. They will never tell you but in bringing up kids we are often kept in stagnant mindsets; where self development is replaced by development of the kids and wiping the floors. I have come across to many a woman who even having the biggest houses or cars are genuinely lost and self loathing; its what one calls the "desperate house wives syndrome".

How many men in Africa are employed to looking after the kids? Very very very few. Looking around we have more married single mothers. Whats the difference between being divorced and rearing the kids alone and married but still rearing the kids alone? To me nothing. What is it that we women or society as in whole are kidding ourselves about? No divorce but an empty second half of the bed  just to keep the society less threatened about your status?

It scares me to see that there are mothers of boys in Africa who would make their boys settle down for one major thing, so that they will have a gal answer to her what happens to her child, because she doesn't know how to explain to her boy how to respect life. He is probably drinking a lot, roaming with the wrong set of crowd and in her mind rather than quarrel with him fearing that he might run away, she says "let that gal take the heat", while she will pretend to be the good cop, by that has made the wife his mother. She totally doesn't care who the son is marrying and then we all know the stories. He often comes to his mother with words "its my wife that mislead me" and the mother says "don't mind her, you know mummy loves you" then she the wife becomes the teabag dunked by all. If the girl is independent she will tell them to fly a kite. Very often it is the girl who comes from a humble and honest home that becomes the dartboard. To those parents who bring up an obedient daughter; you have bread a mop for other families. Lets hope the fruit of your labour wouldn't be wasted. God help her if she has some inner strength to rise and surprise even herself to self reliance. To such women i say, it is possible but be strong inside first.

Many girls weren't told by their dads and mums (local mentality orientation) that there is a world out there and self reliance needs to be built first, followed by a continuous self development plan. If you must have kids have them with the mindset that you had them for yourself because kids don't really bind a couple, they are just a by product. If there is no relationship with him and self outside of kids, you will always feel alone and will be alone because the man most times isn't there because he is hopefully busy trying to provide.

If you have no self development and growth plan then whats there to say about ones life? "i had kids?" is that all you will tell God in your dark moments to find justification for your life's purpose? You are just a baby producing machine. If for a woman the only dream she has in life is to marry and have kids then to me that's primitive thinking because when they leave you, you will realise you had created nothing but an illusion. Often such mothers suffocate their kids lives because they cant let go  for fear to find out they have nothing else to live for. I realised this when i was 22, when i had my first child and in his first 2 weeks of life when he was under the threat of not making it through. I asked myself, if i can feel this tied to a baby that hasn't even said hello, what would there be to say about me later. Die if he dies? I said to myself HELL NO.

We are no longer living in the world where life is very basic nor cheep. You owe your kids foresight, we are already over populated as it is, where a government can come out with a plan to ethnic cleansing because they are losing control and we all know this is very real; there are historical facts to cover this, even if its ashes have been buried with the sands of time.

And just a little shocker for women who still think they can retain men with kids. Men are explorers,  hence they seek what is new and what they can aspire to. If it ain't you, it would either be his fav gadget or another woman. Life for man isn't about WOMAN, why has your life become about MAN? I hope you aren't the one who has imprisoned yourself and doing that to others. Why then hold women down? Well for one he will have no permanent place to have a punching bag for his insecurities. I never thought that man was everything, unfortunately i live in a continent that believes it is all about him, is it today that one should be convincing women that men are self absorbed until shit hits the fan? But before that happens you may be 50 or 60 or one leg in the grave and nothing to show but pictures of your long gone kids.

I wish men knew the heartbreaks of their wives when it is time to let go of the life you had subjected them to. I met men who say who stopped her? I ask, remember when you told her to stop school, and that you will take care of her needs? You didn't know that she has a brain too, and not just boobs and a womb? The woman you have by your side is the woman you have created, if she fought you so she can grow and you let her go and couldn't change at least one bit, that's because you were self absorbed and thinking as a bachelor.

Take it as it is ok!

God or Allah will not come down and do the job, knowledge of which he gives through thought "connecting with him and his creations" and the resulting experience (be it perceived good or bad) that needs to be thought thoroughly through. Even my knowledge is very subjective but one needs to scream at what is going on in our society as well as world wide. Evil rules when good hides.

When people who are victims keep quiet, it allows those who even when they did it by mistake to take it as it is ok. To me someone who stole isnt a thief, he just needs to be educated but if it persists then one should teach them a lesson.

Even if you found through your mistake that you have hurt someone, turn back and apologise or find a way to say you are sorry. I make deliberate grammatical mistakes, for a purpose as well as my Macbook has a way of making automatic spelling of words but that isnt an excuse to to think drinking and driving is permissible, i don't drink when i drive because i am at the bar while doing it hehe. Some mistakes harm no one, some mistakes actually are for good, although i know i should reread what i write, i also know my uncompleted write/right ups or imperfections keep me coming back to tweak and add more. I am a self learning thought provoked writer. This in effect should explain that many make mistakes and few make deliberate mistakes. The world isnt evil, some people are. You have to get your faith renewed or back in or you would be just like the dark world.

In my dictionary a sinner isnt who made the blunder but he who perpetuates it. I do have a kind heart but i know i will take up someone who perpetuates nonsense.

In Nigeria we have soaked ourselves in negativity where now when confronted we try to say it is just criticism, when you pass on a subjective judgement you can not expect someone to take it as a comment, sooner or later you will be oblivious of how you may have hurt someone. Being rude and being straight are 2 different things. Rude people criticise go personal, straight people give a solicited opinion even if it is personal. Talk about free speech or banta!

I dont know everything but i will find out what is beneath that stone. I am not lazy to life for my own success. Get cracking and rack that brain of yours. Everyone is everyones hero even if you are not appreciated now. Do whats right not what is good, because some bad is good.

Her BDay or DDay!

There is something i have realised about image, people only remember you or what you have done when you keep the news going. I dont know but does anyone remember Diana except when her BDay or DDay? Regardless of if you good or bad, you will always be forgotten, people have short memories because they seek the truth that makes them connect for today. Their hearts tell them the truth to accept regardless of what you put out there. If you are irrelevant no one will talk about you.

In the film "Gladiator" there was a quote that said "win the crowd and you will win your freedom"! I laugh because the crowd is the cage, if they love you they imprison you. I look at Whitney, Michiel J., would we have allowed them to grow old, or would the Paparazzi's and Journalists in the bid to milk money keep rubbing their transgressions in our faces? I look at this celebrity gossip magazines and i see how viscously they describe a then beautiful Model, to be an old hag now.

Journalists are loosing professionalism in their industry, look at our newspapers, fabricated stories, no facts, using and twisting words. Look at what the world has turned into; we no longer believe in anything good, business people dont honour their words, leagal agreements can be overturned in court, we call honest people liars because we have grown used to a pattern of words, so when someone says or does something that is out of the box we first praise them then we linch them.

Mind the underdog could be you tomorrow. Mind how you cage your heroes. Mind what you let into your heart.

We are all seeking perfection!

"We are all seeking perfection as we're all struggling in finding out who we truly are. This will not help you find someone who looks exactly like you, a stereotype. This will not put you in a category, this will show you that you are unique and great, and cannot be imitated or replaced by anyone on earth, dead or alive." I just read this on WikiHow!

What came to my mind is a tool I use in HR and Business (SWOT Analysis) What defines us are our Values, Interests, Skills and Wishes!

1. Do you value you? Carry a Rod!
Why are we seeking perfection? Could it be the pressures of meeting up to placed expectations of oneself by others? Or are you truly stubborn enough to defy others view on life and create yours? There are 2 quotes that have suck to my mind from the bible, "we are all born in sin and be born again"

Value "build" your confidence platform!

I realised that "to be born in to" means we are all given the impression of life from our parents,
passed on by their parents and if one is to be born again, one is to stand against or put it in more positive terms "transform what one was told of life and renew the experiences by adding to it more facts to be retold or renewed by the next generation!

Many women today carry the print of joy or pains of marriage from their mothers and same it is with boys who carry the print description of life from their fathers! Fears do turn to reality just as joys, because you seek the signs that validate it and it is addictive because to look away from what you see or feel is hard! "Lead us not to temptation"

When we believe in the good we dive in without looking if the waters are shallow! If we fear we wouldn't even wet our feet for fear it may be too deep to pull out! In life or relationships you should and you must carry a testing stick, unfortunately those who want it now now will hold you hard to your hesitations! It is fine, its all good to make mistakes, so long as you can explain but follow not those that are deadly. Hold back but do it before you tie in someone into your life or tie yourself to a life style!

2. Do you have interest in others?
I just read a quote that said, "don't follow the Joneses drag them down to your level" by Quentin Crisp

Your values are led by what you are interested in, should that be a rule or just guidelines? We all need value models but have you studied them? Or are you just trying to fit in? We are all social animals, we survive only when in a group but be discriminative or to better put it "prioritise your interests"! Everything is good but you need to create the space for it!

3. Are you strong to sustain yourself during change? Do you know how to transform or transcend?

Every step leads to another, you don't need to jump 2 steps, because every experience has its gifts! Strengths are defined in knowledge! You may know how you jumped 2 steps but you wouldn't know what it is to take that step you missed! We are all in a rush but the strength of character is to make decisions and follow the path you created!

Your Character, your interest and your values define who you are! Take the steps to build your interests, define the values you appreciate in them and it will reveal your character! Start defining who you are! You owe yourself that!

Motherhood aint parenthood!

I was just watching the film on the life of Fantasia and in it i see the lives of many girls/women. What i dont agree with is the fact that women think that once they have a kid or kids that their dreams are over. I am a mum with a kid that by far needs more care and attention than any normal kid yet i havnt surrendered my dreams to motherhood. I actually think it fuels and propels you harder because one has a cause that is bigger than even the dream itself. I have seen many kids at age 16 feeling bad to seeing their mother burry herself to the duties of motherhood, forgetting that the principles of parenthood means being an example.

Your kids dont want to see those sad eyes, that broken heart that cant utter a word of Grace to guide them or show them how to live their dreams. If you the mum dont rise, your girls will fall. I strongly believe that everyone can, but many surrender. Yes it is a choice, but dont say no one gave you a chance. A friend of mine told me, "it is you that need your kids", they dont need you after the age of 15, they will go to live their lives and you will be left with an empty hole. Start filling it up now, so you dont burry them in it.

I grew amidst men in my family who are very able, yet that isnt an excuse for me to become a shadow of what the Almighty created me for.

Motherhood aint parenthood it is only one part of it.

“I'm a good neurosugeon"

“I'm a good neurosugeon. That's not a boast but a way of acknowledging the innate ability God has given to me. Beginning with determination and using my gifted hands, I went on for training and sharpening for my skills. ”
― Ben Carson, Gifted Hands: The Ben Carson

"training and sharpening of my skills" this is what university is supposed to be about, a platform for practising your talent, and releasing you when you become a professional "filed out diamonds", not a place to train individuals to be what they arnt by nature. You only become a true professional if your talent leads you in conjunction with information and practice.

Every body has talents, but the universities have made it so that they have segregated your talents to what is relevant and what isn't. Did God not make man equal? Who is a system to go against what God has made? Can all the 4 fingers function without the thumb? Cant a man without no hands paint a picture with his legs? Some parents just like the universities have stifled their kids talents because they want them to fit in. To be a lawyer is to have a talent that has been polished into a practicable skill. I know someone who was in my life, who was coerced to be an engineer, yet he had super skill playing a base guitar and he did perform in a band and had an album when he was young. What happened is his well meaning parents fought him stand still, he surrendered and with that his spirit went. He became mediocre in everything else in his life. Some people wonder sometimes where does my passion to write this way comes from? I see souls that are being murdered every day, both by parents and the society, thats what fuels me to fight it. I hate to see souls that are born being happy become depressive and i hurt when i see them surrender. Although we all need to be in unity as people to survive that doesn't permit no one to murder a soul. You think murder is only in physical terms? Check deeper. Suicide? Well we have a lot of walking ghosts in our society.
I went to wikki to see the definition of the Act : Some may commit suicide to escape bullying or prejudice. Are you bullying someone? Have you been bullied to accept? Are you prejudicial of or towards someone?

Doctor Alban was a Medical student (dentistry) http://www.lyricsfreak.com/d/dr+alban/biography.html, he probably made more money singing than what he studied in school. Besides who wouldn't want him to fix their teeth now?
"IT's My Life" every youth i meet says what he sang in his song.

When reading this quote i saw a kid who knew what he was before he stepped into university, hence he strategically placed himself to study how others did it, he didnt go learn what others did to define himself but to sharpen his gifts and in the process his strength lead to more innovation.

I have an issue with the current educational system that takes in kids based on grades rather than talent and lacks the platform for practice. University will channel your kid to a subject but they cant be thought what is built in by nature. Universities are a place for nurturing what is already within an individual. If lecturers suck at their jobs thats because they never dug their hands dirty in what they preach. Would you believe that i was a kid who hated to read? Would you be surprised tomorrow to find out if i came out with distinction in Journalism? Writing, this is my talent among all many i have discovered in myself. You may not be able to go to Harvard or Oxford, you may just be like me who went to a mushroom school but i bought old books and read what my mates read in equipped rooms, Yet it is my will that beats them hands down because i discovered my talents and added others vantage points to mine.

“Do what you have to do so that you can be what you want to be”
― Benjamin Carson, Gifted Hands: The Ben Carson Story
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20ew5848Z8E

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
Matthew 16:17 Jesus replied, "Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by man, but by my Father in heaven.

use your talent, arm it with knowledge and you will be the best.